It all started...

I have a love hate relationship with sex.
That is to say that I love sex... hate that it is soooo complicated! WHY IS IT SO COMPLICATED!
It shouldn't be... You both get a clear expectation of sex, a sexpectation if you will, and sex happens! Right? Why is it not that simple!

I remember growing up thinking "Being married will be awesome, I will have sex with my super model wife everynight, every morning and probably during the day at least 5 days a week, and probably like every 2 hours on Saturday's and Sunday's!" That's like 20+ times a week...

My wife and I were both raised strict christian, we have known each other since we where little, her father was our minister, my parents grew me in a tube so their naughty parts wouldn't touch (or so I tell my self...).
We were both raised to be virgins on our wedding night.

Parents: Safe sex is NO SEX....
Us: What is sex?
Parents: A dirty word you better never do!
Us: Oh, ok....

 So when we started getting serious while dating and then got engaged it became hard to wait for sex, but wait no one ever said anything about oral sex or "heavy petting"... What am I a dog?
"Bring the bone to mommy! GOOD BOY!"
"Arf!"

We were doing stuff 2 and 3 times a day, sometimes 4 times a day or more on the weekends and sleeping together, because hey we were NOT having sex... I was the luckiest guy in the world, I had a woman who couldn't get enough! ......... Birthcontrol. Birthcontrol is so named because it turns your beautiful beloved sex goddess into an evil horrid frigid soul stealing man hating creature with an awesome rack and hot ass to tempt you only to tell you she doesn't want to be touched or cuddle! This often coincides with the wedding and assuming you look past this phase of hormone adjustment as she explains it... and you marry... you might find that future of unlimited sexual satisfaction has become a FALSE-SEXPECTATION.

The wedding night? Too tired to even try to have sex and frankly too drunk to care, we passed out on the bed, in our tux and dress (she was in the tux.. I kid (or do I?)) and the next day we had a plane to catch so there was now good morning... once in the hotel paradise we were burned out from travel... I think we tried to have sex on the 2nd day.. Here is something your parents don't tell you, if you had our parents anyway... It hurts like hell for the woman and makes the man feel like shit for causing bleeding, OH YEAH THERE IS BLOOD MY FRIEND! Our next attempt was 2 weeks later! TWO WEEKS! We were so damaged at this point we just sat on opposite ends of the couch
Wife: "Do you wanna try..."
Husband: "No!... No... That's ok."
Wife: "Maybe just some PG13..."
Husband: "No, I'm good..."
Wife: "Maybe some girl on girl porn would."
Huband: "Nope! Don't think I wanna see anyone else's either. Thanks."

This would be repeated for the months after the birth of each of our children... Something about a mucus and blood covered kid being pushed out of what was once the most amazing and sexy thing in the world... (Shiver)

Anyway, fast forward a year and in the real world... You are really doing good if you have had sex in the last 10 days. Your schedules have to mesh, you have to be in the mood, she has to have a good day, not be stressed, not be pissed at each other, get home early enough, not have to wake up early, want the same kind of sex, not do anything to piss each other off before orgasm...
GEEZ!