What is wrong with women? Seriously! From the 4th century until the 1930's ish there was a diagnosis called "Female Hysteria" which included irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, erratic behavior, frequent changing of the mind, and "a tendency to cause trouble". I think we just call that being a woman these days and there is no known cure.
I think every man has heard this conversation before and been on the hand slapped end of it.
"Ok, we can have sex... I kinda want to just talk and hang out for a bit before you know... I am a woman, I need some foreplay first.... Did you just try to touch my boobs?! You can't just touch my boobs! I need to be turned on first! Its ok to touch them like during sex but don't just touch them!"
What the hell ever! You need foreplay and to be turned on but I can't touch your boobs? I was rubbing your back first... I was under the impression that was called foreplay. And I know I have gone right to the boobs before and you have been like "Oooooo! :)" So what the hell ever ladies!!!
Ok next time I will skip the boobs and go right to your ...
What the hell ever.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Charlie Sheen almost kills whore...
"Porn Actress" (Whore... I mean come on, let's call her what she is, $20 or $20,000 its the same name, the difference is 90lbs and no facial hair) Whore Capri Anderson, claims Charlie Sheen tried to choke her during sex and then locked her in a bathroom until she would agree to not tell.
Insert Picture here...
Insert Picture here...
 | Two things... 1) We just call that celebration sex at my house... 4) This is Charlie Sheen, is she really that surprised??? 3) Look at that girl, she had it coming. Im fantasizing about choking her right now! 2) And now she's famous! Funny how that worked out. E) I don't know how to number lists very well. |
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Women are like slot machines
Women are like slot machines.
A friend shared this idea with me and I like the logic. Let us explore!
In a casino the house has all the power, they control exactly how often the slots payout knowing most people will sit at them bowing at the alter of the house in the hope that they might get a payout, even a small one... the hope of course is that you will hit a major jack pot! The reality is you will spend hours and hours feeding the slot with nothing in return... Well almost nothing... See if the house didn't give you SOMETHING you would walk away! So after you pay into the slot for a while it will give you a little pay out for encouragement so you will keep playing. Once you are interested the payout keep coming as you keep putting them in, what it is really doing is getting it's money back and then giving some to you to give back to it until you slowly don't realize that for every 10 coins you put in you are only getting 8 back, slowly depleting you of your will to live... I mean money.
But you don't notice or care, you keep "investing", you can't walk away because is a hot slot!
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
A friend shared this idea with me and I like the logic. Let us explore!
In a casino the house has all the power, they control exactly how often the slots payout knowing most people will sit at them bowing at the alter of the house in the hope that they might get a payout, even a small one... the hope of course is that you will hit a major jack pot! The reality is you will spend hours and hours feeding the slot with nothing in return... Well almost nothing... See if the house didn't give you SOMETHING you would walk away! So after you pay into the slot for a while it will give you a little pay out for encouragement so you will keep playing. Once you are interested the payout keep coming as you keep putting them in, what it is really doing is getting it's money back and then giving some to you to give back to it until you slowly don't realize that for every 10 coins you put in you are only getting 8 back, slowly depleting you of your will to live... I mean money.
But you don't notice or care, you keep "investing", you can't walk away because is a hot slot!
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
It all started...
I have a love hate relationship with sex.
That is to say that I love sex... hate that it is soooo complicated! WHY IS IT SO COMPLICATED!
It shouldn't be... You both get a clear expectation of sex, a sexpectation if you will, and sex happens! Right? Why is it not that simple!
I remember growing up thinking "Being married will be awesome, I will have sex with my super model wife everynight, every morning and probably during the day at least 5 days a week, and probably like every 2 hours on Saturday's and Sunday's!" That's like 20+ times a week...
My wife and I were both raised strict christian, we have known each other since we where little, her father was our minister, my parents grew me in a tube so their naughty parts wouldn't touch (or so I tell my self...).
We were both raised to be virgins on our wedding night.
Parents: Safe sex is NO SEX....
Us: What is sex?
Parents: A dirty word you better never do!
Us: Oh, ok....
So when we started getting serious while dating and then got engaged it became hard to wait for sex, but wait no one ever said anything about oral sex or "heavy petting"... What am I a dog?
"Bring the bone to mommy! GOOD BOY!"
"Arf!"
We were doing stuff 2 and 3 times a day, sometimes 4 times a day or more on the weekends and sleeping together, because hey we were NOT having sex... I was the luckiest guy in the world, I had a woman who couldn't get enough! ......... Birthcontrol. Birthcontrol is so named because it turns your beautiful beloved sex goddess into an evil horrid frigid soul stealing man hating creature with an awesome rack and hot ass to tempt you only to tell you she doesn't want to be touched or cuddle! This often coincides with the wedding and assuming you look past this phase of hormone adjustment as she explains it... and you marry... you might find that future of unlimited sexual satisfaction has become a FALSE-SEXPECTATION.
The wedding night? Too tired to even try to have sex and frankly too drunk to care, we passed out on the bed, in our tux and dress (she was in the tux.. I kid (or do I?)) and the next day we had a plane to catch so there was now good morning... once in the hotel paradise we were burned out from travel... I think we tried to have sex on the 2nd day.. Here is something your parents don't tell you, if you had our parents anyway... It hurts like hell for the woman and makes the man feel like shit for causing bleeding, OH YEAH THERE IS BLOOD MY FRIEND! Our next attempt was 2 weeks later! TWO WEEKS! We were so damaged at this point we just sat on opposite ends of the couch
Wife: "Do you wanna try..."
Husband: "No!... No... That's ok."
Wife: "Maybe just some PG13..."
Husband: "No, I'm good..."
Wife: "Maybe some girl on girl porn would."
Huband: "Nope! Don't think I wanna see anyone else's either. Thanks."
This would be repeated for the months after the birth of each of our children... Something about a mucus and blood covered kid being pushed out of what was once the most amazing and sexy thing in the world... (Shiver)
Anyway, fast forward a year and in the real world... You are really doing good if you have had sex in the last 10 days. Your schedules have to mesh, you have to be in the mood, she has to have a good day, not be stressed, not be pissed at each other, get home early enough, not have to wake up early, want the same kind of sex, not do anything to piss each other off before orgasm...
GEEZ!
That is to say that I love sex... hate that it is soooo complicated! WHY IS IT SO COMPLICATED!
It shouldn't be... You both get a clear expectation of sex, a sexpectation if you will, and sex happens! Right? Why is it not that simple!
I remember growing up thinking "Being married will be awesome, I will have sex with my super model wife everynight, every morning and probably during the day at least 5 days a week, and probably like every 2 hours on Saturday's and Sunday's!" That's like 20+ times a week...
My wife and I were both raised strict christian, we have known each other since we where little, her father was our minister, my parents grew me in a tube so their naughty parts wouldn't touch (or so I tell my self...).
We were both raised to be virgins on our wedding night.
Parents: Safe sex is NO SEX....
Us: What is sex?
Parents: A dirty word you better never do!
Us: Oh, ok....
So when we started getting serious while dating and then got engaged it became hard to wait for sex, but wait no one ever said anything about oral sex or "heavy petting"... What am I a dog?
"Bring the bone to mommy! GOOD BOY!"
"Arf!"
We were doing stuff 2 and 3 times a day, sometimes 4 times a day or more on the weekends and sleeping together, because hey we were NOT having sex... I was the luckiest guy in the world, I had a woman who couldn't get enough! ......... Birthcontrol. Birthcontrol is so named because it turns your beautiful beloved sex goddess into an evil horrid frigid soul stealing man hating creature with an awesome rack and hot ass to tempt you only to tell you she doesn't want to be touched or cuddle! This often coincides with the wedding and assuming you look past this phase of hormone adjustment as she explains it... and you marry... you might find that future of unlimited sexual satisfaction has become a FALSE-SEXPECTATION.
The wedding night? Too tired to even try to have sex and frankly too drunk to care, we passed out on the bed, in our tux and dress (she was in the tux.. I kid (or do I?)) and the next day we had a plane to catch so there was now good morning... once in the hotel paradise we were burned out from travel... I think we tried to have sex on the 2nd day.. Here is something your parents don't tell you, if you had our parents anyway... It hurts like hell for the woman and makes the man feel like shit for causing bleeding, OH YEAH THERE IS BLOOD MY FRIEND! Our next attempt was 2 weeks later! TWO WEEKS! We were so damaged at this point we just sat on opposite ends of the couch
Wife: "Do you wanna try..."
Husband: "No!... No... That's ok."
Wife: "Maybe just some PG13..."
Husband: "No, I'm good..."
Wife: "Maybe some girl on girl porn would."
Huband: "Nope! Don't think I wanna see anyone else's either. Thanks."
This would be repeated for the months after the birth of each of our children... Something about a mucus and blood covered kid being pushed out of what was once the most amazing and sexy thing in the world... (Shiver)
Anyway, fast forward a year and in the real world... You are really doing good if you have had sex in the last 10 days. Your schedules have to mesh, you have to be in the mood, she has to have a good day, not be stressed, not be pissed at each other, get home early enough, not have to wake up early, want the same kind of sex, not do anything to piss each other off before orgasm...
GEEZ!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)