I was talking with a friend about what to get his wife for Christmas, I suggested he give her me... Im looking for a new job if anyone has any ideas. (jk)
We ended up talking about sex, it was very Sex in the City only awesome cause we're dudes who like women instead of shoes, and women instead of lame guys inversely named "Mr. Big". First let me fill in the ladies, anyone who professes to have a large member, is by default trying to compensate for his teeny tiny whiddle pee-pee. That's why I always tell women in the first ten minutes, "I have the smallest penis out of all my friends."
Anyway! So we were talking about sex like grown men do during a good pillow fight at work, and we got to the topic of why is it that for men to get what they really want, I don't mean just sex, I mean like our hottest porno fantasies, the planets have to align with your wife's (CENCORED WORD HERE). I call this day MY BIRTHDAY! Which happens to be Feb 29th... Also known as LEAP YEAR! I'm kidding, but seriously, why can't we have crazy ass kinky sex more often than every aurora borealis? We have the kind of sex she wan't roughly 9 out of 10 days! (thats right, BY MY SELF while she goes shopping!)
I do the laundry more than 12 times a year, the least you can do is get on your knees once a month!
Isn't love and marriage about give and take? You give, I take? You take it while I give it? Come on! Why you gotta make me feel like a pervert just because I want you to dress up like Raggety Ann?
And what the hell happened to making out? When we were dating we made out ALL the time, every night. We haven't kissed in years, don't give me that line about "there are better things to do" I know when I'm being tricked!
I thought that our dating was a good indicator, I guess I was wrong... The blog name IS FALSESEXPECTATIONS...
I can't be the only one who gets "Birthday sex" way in with your comments!
I often feel this way. Except about my husband!!
ReplyDeleteit's not always the case that the man has the higher sex drive :(